Why....Ngano....Bakit...???

Its been awhile,I've been busy lately..I know that I am in the stage of my life wherein I feel like I am completely lost and out of control. I wonder why I have to go through this kind of feeling wherein I am confused and its been like this for quite some time,Im afraid that me developing this kind of habit is unhealthy. It jeopardizes my work and the people around me. I can not make up my mind, simply because I am preoccupied , with things that I am uncertain of.

Now here I am listening to Franz Liszt,trying out to figure out what to do. Ah,one of my frustrations is to become a world-renowned artist. Or at least have a legacy that others might remember me for something. Oh well,on a not so serious note, I missed hanging out with the few people I trust with my life, I have so many so-called friends. I actually have several circle of friends but then only few are there for me on my lowest and darkest days.

But I dont know if I am cursed, once I get attached to people,Its like they leave me and I feel all alone. Perhaps , one of my friend was right that it was a form of denial for me. I am the one who is running away, maybe because of the past , I endured so much pain and its like my way of dealing with things.