SMILE

I cant believe Im still smiling after all the problems that I've been through.
I sit at home,I wonder ,I think of the what if's. I go around and pretend, I play the circus clown and let my friends think that Im okay but the pain is cutting me so deep.

I put on a happy face,i put my make up on and if they ask me how I've been, I'll just say that Im okay and I go on and then I sit again at home and wonder,that empty familiar stare out of nowhere.
Its killing me but then I put on this mask,the smile on my face,the laughter,the joke is on me.

I hold my head up high, my pride is at stake. Its not that easy,its hard to fake the truth,kinda alarming but I have mastered it. So I put on a smile once again,if anyone would ask me, I will just say that everything is okay.

Its a cycle,sometimes its easier for me to smile and put on a happy face,then by showing the world my misery,at least it would save me time by explaining myself. Sometimes I just dont want to talk anymore, I just want to stay silent and grieve at my own mistakes, I want to punch myself,cut myself,see myself bleed.

But physical pain, I can endure. This mental and emotional torture is killing me. But I am still sane and I am thankful to the people who have made me and helped me all throughout. I know I am strong to fight all this adversities. I can and I will make it. I invite positivity always.