Sleepless

Its been quite sometime, I am bothered and stressed out about something. Could it be about the accident and the large sum of money that I need to pay the other party. I hate myself,how can I be so generous and then, I end up being broke and feeling sorry for myself again. It wasnt even my fault. Well,partly it was but its not my responsibility.

Perhaps ,they were right about me. I am plainly stupid and I couldnt even say No. I just go with the follow. I am like a boat sailing without a good direction, Ive been through a lot lately. These trials tested my faith. The Lord helped me throughout. I am close to giving up and even thought of ending my life. I was so pre-occupied,I was starving and broke and then back home,my family is also experiencing financial restraints.

I missed my family. The only reason why I am still trying to live my life. I know that I've been through a lot and looking back my life story is one hell of a drama series. I think that whats happening to me now is a by product of the decisions that I made and are not really good ones. Right now, I need to Focus and I know that I believe in God but the question is do I trust him?

I am not getting any younger, I need to make sure that I will live my life the right way and make sure that I need to make investments and then make sure that It will be God's Will , I need to surrender myself to him.