whoah..im not really a big fan of kesha..its just that the first part of the song was totally cool...and i love the lines "what you got boy is hard to find,i think about it all the time. ..im addicted,they think im goin crazy...waaaa
what else? "i just cant get you off my mind"

one of the best finds from Nivea,now this is classic...i really think that she's cute,she needed more exposure,i find this really cool,the beat is supeeer and i feel so complicated..arghh

Almost by Tamia...i feel so struck with this song...i miss someone that i never had...but i almost had him.
I am a sucker for this kind of songs,the lyrics are totally what ive been feeling,its like this is so meant for me..."at least in my dreams,let me reminisce. I missed the times that we never had,i missed the time when i almost had you"..waaaaaaaaaaaaa

EXCERPTS..I WISH I COULD LIVE FOREVER

repost from facebook on Sunday, December 26, 2010 at 12:49pm

It's hard to say what I want my legacy to be when I'm long gone.

I used to think that if I keep on working hard, I can get what I want. But I also thnk that,You have to love what you do to want to do it everyday. There are times in my life when I just want to be by myself. There are times I can't even figure myself out. I sometimes think I might be autistic because I like to know - I need to know - my beginnings and my ends. I don't have to be in control of it, but I need to know what's going on. It doesn't really matter to me how I make a difference, I just wanna make sure that I do.

You know, I think I'm a stronger person for realizing that you can't make everybody love you.

I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures.

It's been quite a roller coaster ride, but I've grown and learned a lot about myself. The greatest thing is being able to interact with people,im grateful.Constructive criticism is about finding something good and positive to soften the blow to the real critique of what really went on.

Everyone is your best friend when you are successful. Make sure that the people that you surround yourself with are also the people that you are not afraid of failing with.When people expect me to go right, I'll go left. I'm unpredictable.

I just don't know how to deal with so many people giving me that much affection. I never had that in my life.

I'm happy to be alive, I'm happy to be who I am.

No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty, even if they aren't.

Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature. All women do have a different sense of sexuality, or sense of fun, or sense of like what's sexy or cool or tough.

I've realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don't trust my instincts - Thats when I get in trouble.

Oh, God, I struggle with low self-esteem all the time! I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable!

Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from over mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life.Where ever I am I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else.

Dying Young

repost from facebook on Sunday, December 26, 2010 at 2:25pm

There's something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tomorrow frees you to appreciate your life now.

I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world. You don't think i'm serious do you?

If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. Yeah,pretty much. If you're normal,you can go ahead and follow the rules,but you wont go to jail if you do something bad,you can be naughty and nice. I'm a good girl gone bad? nah,im good at being bad...really now?

I don't get angry very often. I lose my temper rarely. And when I do, there's always a legitimate cause. Like one day, I just went on being so grumpy. Well,its because I'm human,and just one of those days when I just feel like the world is closing in on me.

Normally I have a great lightness of being. I take things in a very happy, amused way,like what one of my friends said "we're not used to seeing you that way"..I'm sorry again for acting that way...I felt like a retard,crying with really no apparent reason. I am in a limbo. So caught up and maybe overwhelmed with all that's happening now.

I was totally bothered by something, I know I shouldn't have acted that way.

Its nice to just smile and pretend that everything is ok,but sometimes,as human as I am,I also feel bad at times.

I don't normally bring my problems outside but then again,some things are better left off to simmer in the spun of the moment then dwell on it and sulk,coz that won't get me nowhere.

Now,about this articles title,we all have our fears,I am not afraid of dying. But,if I die,I want it to be short and simple,like please take me in my sleep. I don't want to die in an accident, or I don't want to die in any disease,where I still need to suffer in denial or in pure misery. I once read a note,much like this one,I don't want to commit any fallacy or in no way do I want to be a plaigarist of some sort. This is like my version, a somewhat repost from my original article,way back in highschool. "The Art of Dying" and "My Death Wish", i wasn't able to post it on my blogspot because i had it hidden, I know the pages of my notebook are all in yellow, tattered and covered with dust,and the edges were all faded.

I know its a bit morbid to talk about death, but can we cheat death? If its your time to go, then go ahead. There is more to life than death. You will have the chance to be with the Master. And if you look back at your life, should you change anything at all? Me, If I had to live my life over,it would still be the same coz I don't want to miss the time when I had the chance to meet the people who are in my life now,who made a difference, who made me a better person and some who made me less of a person for the mistakes. Life and Death, i often talk about it in my posts. I talk about life in general,love,betrayal,forgiveness,sex and any thing under the sun that I fancy.

So when I die, I want to keep on living. Like how's that? and What do i suppose to mean?

If I die now, I don't want to see anybody crying, I want everybody to be happy that somehow, I can rest.

I don't want them to mourn for me. I don't want them to talk ill of me, I don't want them to pity me.

I don't need to be patronized by anybody, I just want to be remembered as someone who puts a smile on their faces, some one who could light up a room, someone who even in my rudest and harsh comments, they still love me.

I , who is somehow very naive and foolish. I am someone who is emotional about a lot of things.

I want to be remembered as someone who is playful and FUN.

Just because..

this is a repost from facebook/Sunday, January 2, 2011 at 5:03am

If you think you know me well...think again!

It's to early for me to write about a hate=note. It's the start of the new year, so I won't ruin it.

I just think that some people should value respect. I think that people should also be considerate.

Just because, I project a wacko personality, just because I act so childish,naive and impulsive, I think that people around me should understand , that I may have baggages and I wear a mask, I am not happy living in a facade,but this is my way of survival.

What you see,isn't always what you get.

We all are strangers in this journey. And we all deserve some damned respect.

This year, I will be my old self again, the one that my friends used to love. But, I think that I should be more positive when it comes to my outlook in life. I have to believe in my potentials. Have faith in the things that I know I can be capable of. I know that I should be humble but I also need to be responsible for my own happiness. And I need more motivation now,more than ever. I know that this is too early for me to quit. I need to remember that problems are not stop signs for me to just whine,but instead, I should think of it as a guideline.

And I am aware of so many things, I always wanted to be somebody but now I realized, I need to be more specific.

I am not afraid of death, I just want to be there when it happens. And just like what Carl Landburg would say: "I am an idealist, I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way".

Lesson to Self:

this is a repost from facebook/ Sunday, January 2, 2011 at 8:16am

I had a blast with my officemates,yesterday after shift. We celebrated the New Year singing our hearts out.

I am completely in control when it comes to things like that, even if I had some booze, but if I sing my song,I always do crazy stuff. And it was totally cool because the peeps there were nice.

When I got home, I was a bit tipsy. All alone and nothing to do. I just felt all gloomy and I dont know what to do. I slept all the way till 2am. I got up and felt sore. Starving. I found myself walking down the highway, and I ended up in the cafe. I needed to ease myself from the tension. I listened to my fave songs from cartoon theme songs, down to my fave artists, most of them are dead. Posted some of my articles. Listened via livestream and then, good thing the jock was like a brother. We go to the same church. And I chatted with my cousin.

And then, I was able to come up with this article.

Lesson to Self: Don't be so trusting, never trust anyone,not even yourself. Even your shadow would leave you.

If you were hurt,cry,drink,forget it and try to move on and say, Charge to experience...how sad..experience is so overused nowadays.

Watch out for people who finds you nice and tells you things that makes you feel good about yourself, you'll never know they are the same people who talks ill about you.

Be careful,some people are totally insensitive,they know the art of bullying and the bull-crap should be grabbed by the horn,but hey,I ain't one of them, I am just a sweet horned being. an imp.

Don't mind if people call you fat,it goes to show that you have enough money to spend and eat what you want.

Don't bother if people are staring at you, this means that they envy you. And think about it, there's something about you that they are really insecure of.

Don't mind people if they talk and think your ugly, they just cant take it that they are looking at their reflection.

Shut up when somebody is talking shit, Listen,Observe and please don't ever comment.

They say..what you eat is what you are...so I should eat more expensive food,watcha think?

Don't fall for guys who treats you like a princess, who is not good looking and who wants to change you, because he is not worth it.

Be careful when you crack a joke,not all people can understand an intelligent mind working in progress.

Sometimes, creative people like me don't deserve credit,it's kudos to those people who hurt us for giving us the topic to write about and its the BS that they left.

Remember, Screaming is a good exercise for your lungs,it gives you more time to inhale,breath,exhale and let go of all the shit.

If you see me looking so grumpy,please let me be,I will then make you feel bad because I am a relative of Oscar d grouch and please don't ask me..cozZ i don't want to talk about it.

I don't care if you think I'm different, please don't judge me with what I wear,with what I say and how I do my hair,has it occurred to you that I have a life and you need one too..seriously.

I'd rather be envied than pitied,that's what I live up too.I read that somewhere.

Once again, my principle in life should be...never Assume/Expect/Demand.

And if, and if some people would make up stories, just listen and think, perhaps they have a bad childhood.

Don't fall for people who sweet talk you,tendency is, they will soon end up a diabetic.

I know I can be really annoying, I can be really corny,but why are you still here?

I have a disorder,eating disorder. I also have a relationship problem.

I am bad..so bad, that i become so good at it.

I am a teaser, a feisty one.

Ramblings

Lately,I've been feeling so indifferent. I don't know if its because I lack sleep,or could it be because I am missing someone,could it be because im stressed with the workload,could it be because im broke. Should I blame the weather?

I'm back to being myself the grandiose whiner of all time. I am deeply engaged in a feeling that somehow I need to outperform but then mediocrity sips me like a quicksand,pulling me down and eating me whole.

I become so melancholic when i think about what could've beens ,what might have beens ,my thoughts are wandering.

I've never been so despondent over something, I managed and survived life's adversities. I took risks, I was able to overcome them all. What difference is this that im feeling today? I know it wont be easy, sometimes I can be all the way to the top or at some point, I am down there..sulking again.

Lets talk about Paranoia,I can't seem to understand why people,some people become so insensitive.

Some people,are too damned getting into my nerves.

here's the thing,if you cant say anything nice....keep your mouth shut bitch! I hate it when people try to be nice,but then again they are the one's who talk behind your back...don't think im not. I can be really nice, I am a good friend but I am the worst enemy...like what I used to say, I can forgive but I can never forget. So please,spare me with the cute talks,i ain't buying that..don't preach to me about religion,I have my own faith...and what's with Christians?
Stop quoting about David and all the disciples and the prophets.

I loved you as my friend,but lately you have become somebody I dont even know,with all the influences,I missed you though,but I don't know who to trust anymore...

I'm a big fan of MC and this song by far is my theme,real time..i can feel the lyrics reverberating with every invoked lyrics, Now the song talks about an affair,but the thing is, expectations creates a whole new chapter. After the ni ght of intense but passionate and pleasurable experience, is goodbye...

LAST NIGHT


Dont let go,I would want to whisper that into his ear. But then again,I had to set him free and watch him walk away.
I know that I should give him up. He came into my life unexpectedly,I know I shouldnt be holding on.
Call me the Queen of Paranoia but I feel really bad,it's like i find people staring and looking at me,it's like they want to hurt me,i want to run away. Sometimes, I feel like im drowning, I want to disappear,I want to freeze and then drop dead.
I feel so screwed,I am scared of myself and the things that I am capable of doing, I am afraid to think, I am afraid to close my eyes. I wish it never happened.
I look at myself, I bit my lip and I want it to bleed,like how my heart is bleeding now. I want to scream. I want to run away coz I know,The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them.
Nothing hurts more then waiting since I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore.
Maybe he's doing the same thing as me... maybe he wants so bad to call me, but just won't because I haven't called him... then again, maybe I shouldn't fill myself with false hope that he might just be missing me like I'm missing him..now this thing here sucks! He asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when he turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is. How sad!

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of him and every song I heard somehow related to him. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have. YOU!

Ang Pambansang Awit ng mga Kabit : Saving All my Love for You


I know...I know...you must all be wondering why the hell did I chose that as my subject. I am in a dillema. I came from a broken family, and i don't want to deal with that again. No more drama for me. And no offense meant sa mga KABIT or should i say 3rd party, or whatever you may call it,but I can say that this song suits the situation.

Now consider this a guilt trip,and I was surprised by my PA's comment on my latest report card, he just said "When can you learn", err what? I really didn't know what he meant by that. We never really had the chance to talk and I dont think my reputation of being who i am....well, who really am i? Can somebody tell me?...I am not certain of who I am anymore...

All I know is that I have a strong connection with someone right now. ...or perhaps,its one of those assumptions again.
Perhaps, I am not really learning, I become oblivious of the pain that I went through by being in a predicamant. I always fall,and I wish I fall head first,and then turn into a trance,and forget about everything.

I don't think this connection would work, I want to say goodbye to him. But everyday,he becomes my addiction. His voice lingers,his smile, his eyes and his kiss..please let me say goodbye and I just need to wait,for the person who will really sweep me off my feet.

I know that this is wrong, I know that I should stop,but everytime I think of him I just fall so deep. Not again?
Lets just say that I loved the intense connection, and I think what happened was a temporary lapse in my judgement.
I hate it. I hate the situation. I hate myself. I am completely insane. I really need to stop. Please ,can anybody help me?

I don't want to dwell with this feeling, I dont want to be the reason of something really haunting me in my future years.
Maybe Im stupid, I am bitching again , and being human is a reason that has been long overused,much like experience...

I will think of it as a dream,when I wake up tomorrow,I know he will no longer be there. The borrowed time will be logged into my yesterday, I will keep it hidden,locked and I will try to forget..what seemed to be so real. Overwhelming,Intoxicating,I got twisted. I cant help it. But I need to burry it,deep and then in the future,I will remember,that for once in my life, I had him,right beside me. Right where I wanted.

And once again, I still get what I want,but just temporary. And I know that it would be another disaster, I will then hurt myself, my bruised ego and my tattered pride will be left shattered. I need a newstart,I need diversion, I need to say NO to temptations...I need not give in.

"A few stolen moments is all that I have---although I try to resist being last on your list---" (sigh) these lines are really sumthin..sniff sniff..no offense meant to some or to people who loves this song. I am just making a statement and its how i the song strucked me.

Sunday Morning

It was around 3am,i picked him up . I can't help myself,in a way i am feeling awkward,but the feeling of seeing him for the first time was really overwhelming. The long talks over the phone,the teasing online, I am thrilled.

I was sitting infront of him,we talked while we shared what we call the "special meal", the code that we used to name ourselves, I was his little secret,and he was my special someone.
I never thought that i'd feel this way towards someone that I look up to.

He was a breath of freshness despite being soaked from his own sweat. I cant believe that I am here with him, we walked down the streets. It was a cold dawn and I can smell dew drops. Anytime soon the world would be up,but I don't care. I've never felt this way about someone.

You and I , we had a special connection. Your eyes, your lips,your smile. I can go on all day looking at you. If this is what they call infatuation, I cant find any reason to be in another place,all I want is to be with you.

Looking at you soundly asleep, the sun is out and all I need is right here with me,that's you.
I kissed you and you wrapped me in your arms,It feels so good. Spending Sunday Morning with you...I dont have any reason to get out of bed,because with you here with me is the best moment.

I will forget my plans for the rest of the day,because all I want is to be with you.
I am not inlove,but I just want to be with you. And you whispered in my ear,you asked me if Id still want to be with you,I smiled and said, I would love to be with you on another Sunday Morning.